Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Saturday, August 25, 2007

Funny story

I dreamed of a very funny conversation last night. And thought, well, that's what I can post on my blog tomorrow. It's been long since I posted. Glad I've finally got something to say.

In the morning, I'd forgotten the funny conversation.

Well, here it is anyway.

What? ... Yes, that's it.

This reminded me of a dear friend, now ensconced in UK, who endeared herself to me forever, when we were kids, with her vagueness.

One morning, in the college canteen, she disrupted an ongoing conversation in characteristic style to say, "Did you read that funny news about that man in the paper today?"

"No, which man?"

"Don't know. Forgot his name. But he did something very funny."

Pause.

"What?"

"Don't know. Can't remember. But it was funny."

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

close encounter with educator types

it all started one sultry morning when child unit left english textbook behind. i was clearing up, and casually opened to lesson one:

The Boy Who Served His Tribe

Long, long ago, there was a family of the Chippewa tribe, who lived in a wigwam in the woods of North America.

(although i barfed upon seeing the heading style, i settled down to read. i like stories of long long time ago...oh whaat? a family of the Chippewa tribe? i thought the word 'tribe' meant lots of families living together in a cluster of wigwams. maybe i had become old, and this was meant for grade five kids. so i read on...)

Mother and father, brother and sisters were all very happy and contented, for they loved the good things of the Earth. They loved the sunshine, the forests and the cool springs of water. But they were often cold and hungry, for at this time, the Chippewa people did not know about growing corn. Instead, they lived only by hunting.

Now, when the boys of this tribe reached the age of fourteen, it was the custom for them to go into some lonely place, without food, so that they could be alone for several days and think about the life which lay ahead of them.

The time came for the eldest son of the family to carry out this custom

'Come with me, my son,' said his father. The two of them walked far out into the woods together. There the father built a little wigwam for his son.

'You will be here for seven days without food,' he told the boy. 'At the end of that time, I will return for you and bring you food. While you are here, you should pray to the Great Spirit that he will send you a gift; a gift for the whole tribe.'

Left alone, the boy sat for a while, and thought. What should he pray for during the week's fast?

Perhaps he should pray that his tribe would win glory in battle. Or should he pray that they should enjoy good hunting, or be sent great wealth?

'No,' he thought. He would ask only that life for his tribe be made less hard. And so he began to pray to the Great Spirit.",

___________________________________________

i know instinctively that something is wrong here. grammatically, that is, but it has been years since i looked up anything in Wren & Martin.

so i look at rewriting the page. it looks something like this:


Long, long ago, in the woods of North America, there lived a family of the Chippewa tribe.They built wigwams to live in and were happy and contented, loving the good things of the Earth. They loved the sunshine, the forests, and the cool springs. But the Chippewa people often went hungry because they did not know how to grow corn or wheat for food, they lived only by hunting.

It was a custom among the Chippewa to send the boys who had just turned fourteen, to the lonely place for seven days, so that they could fast and pray to the Great Spirit, and learn to face the harsh life ahead of them.

It was time for the eldest son of this family to carry out this tradition. His father took him to the forest, built him a little wigwam, and told him what he was to do.

"You are to stay here, my son," he told the boy. "Pray to the Great Spirit, and ask him to bless our tribe. After seven days I shall come back for you with food."

____________________________________________

now that i was reading, i thought i should figure out what was wrong with the text. here are some of my thoughts.

1) The story has been written in a script format, a style meant for a story-teller to learn, so that the tale could be told, rather than read. There is a vast difference between a story written for reading and one written for reading aloud. For example, the alliterative use of 'life that lay ahead', on the face of it, there is nothing wrong grammatically, but this is wasted because it is wordy; 'life ahead' is just as meaningful.

2) Grammar check: the word 'life' is a singular noun, it conflicts with the verb 'lay'.

3) The story plays havoc with the tenses. The usage words 'at this time' is 'current' which conflicts the story that begins with 'long long time ago there WAS...'
Also I shuddered to read: 'for at this time, they did not know about growing corn'. To place 'at this time' which implies present tense, with 'did not know', which is past perfect (as it implies knowledge from the past), with 'about growing corn' which is present continuous tense, and everyone knows that there is no such thing is present continuous.

4) Americanisms abound! I understand that this is an American story, but it is poor use of language indeed to say 'about growing corn' instead of simply saying 'how to grow corn' which would also make the tense correct.

5) Similarly, the usage of the word 'custom'. Customs are followed, traditions are carried out.

6) The use of single quotes is prevalent now, but it is NOT acceptable when you are teaching children grammar.

This is but the beginning of the story...

___________________________________________

i was aghast. who is this Nicholas Horsburgh, and why is Oxford Reading Circle (book 5) prescribed reading for fifth graders? child unit had been through Harry Potter books. why was the school dumbing down their reading?

i went to the next few stories, just to assure myself that it was just my imagination...

for your reading pleasure, here are the next few stories. correction. the beginning few paragraphs of the next few stories:

_____________________________________________


The boy with an answer

Raman was a bright boy, but he was also very mischievous. He lived many years ago in a small village in the kingdom of Vijaynagaram in South India. Since he was an only child, his mother loved him very dearly. You could say that he was pampered too much and became a spoilt child. But Raman had a quick wit and this helped him to make friends and get along in life.

At that time, the ruler of the kingdom of Vijaynagaram was a mighty king called Krishna Deva Raya. He was a fine and powerful ruler, and at his court there were many famous musicians, artists, and other wise and skilful people.

Raman lived in a small village called Tenali. There was a school in the village, but Raman's mother thought that the other boys at school would harm her dear little boy. So she did not go to school. And that suited him fine! He would wander about all day, and be cheeky to whoever he liked! Of course, not being at school made Raman quite lazy.
_____________________________________________

Nicholas Horsburgh has never heard of structure, obviously. the story is going all over the place.
It goes backwards and forwards. It does not even begin in the traditional way, as in: 'Long long time ago' or 'Once upon a time'...The village is mentioned, but not its name. The name of the village comes in the third paragraph. The kingdom of Vijaynagaram is mentioned twice, the name of the king comes in the second paragraph.

The story sends confusing signals about Raman: he is bright, but mischievous; he is loved dearly, but is pampered and spoilt; he wanders about all day, but is lazy; he is cheeky but as the first statement says, he was bright.

Moreover, how is this statement true: Not being at school made Raman lazy? I think not going to school makes children stupid, not lazy.

Amar Chitra Katha on Tenali Raman has this very same story. And it has been better told.

_____________________________________________

The poet and the jester

Raman grew up and did become a famous poet. His name was spread far and wide and his friends often told him to go to the court of the king, Krishna Deva Raya, to seek a job there. The king would pay him well and look after him because that is exactly what the king used to do. In his court there were many wise and skilful people and they were all looked after well.

Raman, or Tenali Raman, as he was now known as, thought that this was a great idea. However, he did not know how he could get into the court of the king.

Then, one day. A man called Tathachari, who was very close to the king, came to a place near Tenali. Raman's friends told Raman about this man.
...
Raman thanked Tathachari most gratefully.

_________________________________________
Help me out here, people!

Shouldn't each story in the book be able to stand on its own? Even if it is a second story about Tenali Raman. What sort of introduction is this!

The usage if 'did'.' Raman grew up to be a famous poet' is a good enough sentence. The moment the verb 'did' is added, i am forced to ask, "Was there a doubt that he would not be a famous poet upon growing up?"

The word famous implies well-known. You do not need to say 'name was spread far and wide'. Besides, saying 'name was spread far and wide is as colloquial as 'what is your good name'

'This is exactly what the king used to do'?! I would be shocked if you asked me what was wrong with the sentence.

And exactly what kind of English is 'as he was now known as'? Or 'came to a place near Tenali'? or Raman thanked him most gratefully'?

_____________________________________________

The toad's warts

From time to time, we all ask the question 'why?': Why is the sky blue? Why are leaves green? Why do people grow old and die? Why does the Sun shine? Why this? Why that? Why the other?
Some of you may have wondered why the back of a toad is covered with warts. Well, your question will be answered, in this folk tale from Myanmar...

_____________________________________________

oh mah deah gawd! this is an introduction to a story? what is the need for this introduction? Could the story simply start by saying: Here is an amusing little tale from Myanmar?

so you have an Introductory paragraph. it begins by addressing the story to 'we', and it changes to 'you' in the second paragraph.

but i had lost it. no longer did the rain make me want to snuggle up and read. it made me want to get a hold of nicholas horsburgh and punish him with paper cuts. but there was a niggling doubt, so i turned to the beginning of the book, where the editor signs his name to the introduction.

That is when i felt that 'death by paper cut' was too lax a punishment.


The Introduction of the book itself was not without errors. It promised that the book will encourage the pupils to 'delve deeper into the glorious world of English literature'. I would be surprised if the children want to read anything at all after this travesty of what is praised to be a carefully chosen 'treasure trove of stories'.

The stories have 'Value based themes'? Please read the Tenali Raman story where it is implied that you could be cheeky and lazy and pampered and spoilt but you could grow up to be famous poet!

The same section says: Vocabulary and structures have been controlled throughout.'

'Structures'?

Enough said.

so i counted to ten and then wore out the living room carpet down to threadbare.

(drumroll!)

i decided i was going to be a proactive parent. so i googled Oxford University Press (http://www.oup.com/) and hit the 'contact us' button, without barfing at the profound promises they make on their landing page.

i wasn't sure, such a big publishing company was ever going to answer, so i wrote to the principal of the school and the curriculum director (yes! such creatures exist these days!). someone was bound to take responsibility!

i complained:

Dear Sir/Madam,

The Oxford Reading Circle (book 5) is riddled with errors in grammar as well as usage of the English language.

It's a pity that the mistakes begin with the introduction to the book itself.

Since the book is prescribed by the government, I can only begin by registering a protest with you. However, you can be assured that unless you tell me how the mistakes will be rectified (and before this academic session is over), I would be forced to make the glaring errors public.

disappointed parent,

Manisha Lakhe

_____________________________________________

i received mail in the next two days! and that too from lord panjandrum himself!

_____________________________________________

On 7/13/07 (email address) wrote:
This is in reference to your complaint regarding Oxford Reading Circle. Our editors will revert to you in due course.

Ranjan Kaul
Publishing Director
Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

the mail was addressed to yours truly and a lady called Sutapa"

_____________________________________________

i decided to be helpful, and send the whole bunch of queries and comments to both Ranjan Kaul and Sutapa Basu. they were prompt as before. i thought it was time to believe. there was a god.

_____________________________________________

Dear Manisha Lakhe,

Thank you for your mail, which I will share with our editors and author. As of now, I would like to only mention that Oxford Reading Circle is a literature course, where the attempt is to retain the orginal writings of the respective authors. It is not a language course. At the same time, I do understand your concerns, and will try to send you a detailed reply once we have examined your mail in detail.

Do bear with us till then.

Ranjan

Ranjan Kaul
Educational and Higher Education
Publishing Director
Oxford University Press
1st Floor, YMCA Library Building
Jai Singh Road
New Delhi 1100 01 India

(tel. no)
( fax)
( email)

_____________________________________________

hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

literature has got nothing to do with language?

please note his title. will someone explain to me what is 'educational and higher education'?

i wrote to my school principal and the curriculum director, who hid behind corporate waffle that said something like: the education ministry suggests 100 text books and we just chose the most reputable publisher, but in ten pages. (that is another story!)
_____________________________________________

dear lina, vandana and all you marvelous friends who have supported me in my quest for bringing a positive change in the way English is taught.

please read this mail i received from Oxofrd Univ. Press.

i have been hugely amused and aghast at the same time. did not know that using a language had nothing to do with literature. but rest assured i shall persuade this to the bitter end. if not my son, then some other child will benefit next year.

regards,

manisha

_____________________________________________

Lina Asher and Ms.Vandana are smart cookies. they knew they had run into a 'mad mommy force'. they promptly had the book removed from the curriculum and the kids started on something called Wisdom of Words. i have not dared to touch the new book.

but Oxford University Press obviously had not heard of my triumph at school. this is next exchange of email:

_____________________________________________


"Kumar, Neetu"
to me

Jul 20

Dear Ms Lakhe

This is further to Ranjan Kaul’s email to you. We have discussed your suggestions with our editors and the author. As indicated to you earlier, since this is a Literature Reader series, a conscious attempt has been made to expose learners to a variety of language styles including “Americanisms”. In this it is possible that a few styles used may not find favour with a section of readers but many of the stories used are by well-known writers and have been enjoyed by children the world over. It is for this reason that they have been included.

At the same time, we welcome all constructive criticism and it is our constant endeavour to make improvements. Where possible, your suggestions will be taken on board in the next revision.

In the meanwhile, we would appreciate if you can send us a list of glaring grammatical errors at your convenience.

We thank you for your interest in the series.

With best wishes
Neetu Kumar

Neetu Kumar
Publishing Editor-ELT
Oxford University Press
YMCA Library Building
Jai Singh Road
New Delhi 110001
India
(telephone)
(fax)
(e-mail)

_____________________________________________

it was bad enough that politicians were changing history text books to suit their own agenda. but now publishers want parents to play vigilante and help edit text books? whose job is it anyway?

_____________________________________________

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Shaka laka boom boom !

A little bird told us recently, that the movie ' Shaka laka boom boom' has been based on .........................................hold your breath ..........................................none other than .........................................the oscar winner movie with a great sound track ......................................................................................................................................
AMADEUS !!!!

Now it is poor Amadeus' turn to roll over.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

By Design.

We have been declared the Designers of the Year.

It all started this way. The brief said- open office, transparent glass cubicles, soft music etc, the silicon valley techy look. Simple 'nuff, we said. But taking indian Entrepreneur to silicon valley proved to be as difficult as Taking Ramji-bhai to London. We hadn't realized that everyone's hearts belonged so firmly to their Gaon !

The glass cubicles open to sky ( read ceiling ) felt oppressive to some. Some longed for their privacy and were unhappy about glass walls. Some, being more used to the carefree -'Raamu ho! Chaachi ho!!' style of conversation across the office resented the need for the hushed conversations, and communication via intercoms. I mean, why bother to use the intercoms when you could clearly see the office boy right cross the office?

Soon it was apparent to us that various people had various issues with the design. So we decided to make a few changes and create a more congnial atmosphere which, while not exactly silicon valley, will be what any over worked indian Entrepreneur craves. An office and resort rolled in one.

The very first thing we did was to give all the cubicles bright red mangalore tiled roofs. The design pandits may argue that cubicles do not have roofs. But when the heart craves a roof, we find a way to install one. Similarly, opaque films were put on the glass walls, to provide privacy to inmates. A door was added, with a small vent to see who is out side. A small wall fan because the tiled roof now cut off the central a/c. As a good measure we also added a hand fan, for those especially hot summer days. A matka in the corner with cool water. If one craved company, one got up and went over to the village...umm...the office water cooler and passed the time of the day. If you wanted Kulhadwalli chai you can always holler for Raamu bhaiyya, or Durga chaachi.

The atmosphere around the office changed dramatically. People looked relaxed and eager to work, happy to be tucked into their own personal designer huts. The efficiency zoomed up overnight. Water cooler romances flourished, a few even cancelled their planned vacations to far away resorts, saying, "It was much more fun in the office". No one bunked work any more. A few minor squabbles broke out over the issue of decorating the office with Rangoli on festival days, which was sorted out amicably. They opted for rangoli stickers. And last, but not the least, we have been nominated for the prestigious ' Designer of the Year' award for ruralizing the urban corporate design. The style is known as 'Rural-ban' ( to rhyme with Sundar-ban). The fashion designers are picking this trend up and designing a new Village chief look for the CEOs. The ultimate in power dressing.

We look upon this project as something of a path breaker in the corporate design culture. Keeping in mind our stupendous success we are introducing a few new features. First, we plan to abolish the work desks. Working on khatiya with a laptop will add a new dimention to the corporate stratagies. For those who smoke,the office boys will be trained to handle chillums and hukkas.

Mahatma Gandhi said- India lives in its millions of villages. We are helping the cause in our own way.

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Ask Baraati - The CKB Advice Column 2

Question: What of your father goes?

Yeh sawaal aaya hai Dilli ke rehne waale us shaqs se jo apni tareef nahin karna chaahtey.

Answer:
The answer to this question is very complex. The question of course is just as complex as Shashi Kapoor asking, "Bhai, sign karte ho ya nahin?" So the answer also must be just about as complex as Amitabh Bacchan saying: "Pehle uss aadmi ki sign le kar aao, jisne..."

To explain this line, I'll have to use the simile technique. Now first, take the popular quote: "Toh main kya naachoon?" Then reverse the purpose of this word. So now with the reversed purpose where you're basically asking the other person whether he should be dancing. Now negate the meaning. So now you're asking him, "Why should you be dancing?" Then you add the assumption that he doesn't want to dance. So now you've proved that you want to make him dance when he doesn't want to dance and then you're asking him why should he be dancing. This contradicts the assumption with which we began the proof that you don't want to dance. Thus we conclude that why the hell should he worry about dancing! So finally, frustrated that even after all this dancing, your friend doesn't understand the meaning of: "What of your father goes?"

So you tell him: "Why do you need to know what of my or your father goes?"
He says: "I don't know."
You: "Do you need to know where he goes?"
He: "No!"
You: "Do you need to know how he goes?"
He: "No!"
You: "Toh phir chootiye, tere baap ka kya jaata hai?!"

Phew!

You owe the baraatis one kimaam paan a day for the next 23 days!